Heavy Heart

Posting for Thursday, October 25th, 2012

Today would have been my dad's 79th birthday.  I lost him 9 years ago.  Hard to believe that it has been that long.  This day every year since his passing has me feeling very blah.  There are a few things I wish to share with you about my dad.

One thing is on one of the final days before he died, he told me that he always wanted to have a birthday party, he had a lot of brothers and sisters, and when he was growing up he didn't get a birthday party.  That broke my heart.  I told him that we would have a 70th birthday party for him, that seemed to make him happy.  Unfortunately he didn't make it to his 70th birthday.  We would have had a party for him one that he would remember for always. 

Also, I am not sure how many of you reading this, has ever lose someone so close to you.  We had hospice in to help care for my dad weeks before he took his last breath.  They were the greatest group of folks we dealt with.  One of the things the main nurse told me is that I had to let him go, I had to tell him that it was ok for him to go, not to fight any more.  I couldn't, and still to this day I feel selfish.  Why couldn't I do that for him?  Why oh why? 

So many things happened in that entire last days scenario that I will never forget, those things were etched on my mind like they just happened yesterday. 

Happy 79th Birthday Dad!  I love you, miss you and every time I make a chocolate cake with butter icing I think of you!  Rest in Peace!