Posting for Tuesday, October 9th, 2012
Recently I have been forced to evaluate some things in my life. Things that were affecting me day to day, in every aspect of my life. You know when you have to sit down and list the pros and cons in your life, it is certainly time to make some changes. Most make changes in baby steps. I must admit to you, that is not "how I roll." I am not one who has a lot of patience, just ask someone that tries to shop with me for instance.
Most of the time, my philosphy is "all or nothing." Always has been on many different scenarios in my life. Maybe that is why I am the way that I am today, who knows? I would say, who cares, but thankfully I know a lot of people do, so I won't go there.
Some know, some may not know, but here I am putting it out there. Besides having OCD for finger picking, I also am a very anxious person, and the BIGGEST worrier you have ever seen in your life! I got that trait from my mom, she is the same way, not the finger picking, but the anxious and worrying. I never have liked medicine and for years I refused to take any kind of meds no matter what condition I had at the time. I think this goes back to when I was younger and had to take so much medicine for migraine headaches, thankfully I must have "grown" out of them, because I don't get them anymore. Thank God. Mine were so bad I had to stay in bed for days at a time. Awful, just awful. So far they have not shown to be hereditary. :)
Anyway, while being unemployed, it took a bigger toll on me than I thought it would. I went to my doctor and told him how I was feeling and he put me on an anxiety medicine and then after being on it for awhile, he increased it. Made me feel calm, cool, collected, and let me sleep a full night. You may not think that I needed this little pill to make me feel all of the above, but I did, or at least I thought I did. And I soon became addicted, where my body would send me signals to let me know it was time to take another pill. I had probably taken them for at least 8 months.
On Friday, October 5th, I stopped taking the anxiety medicine. After talking to several pharmacists about the weight gain I have been experiencing, I knew I had to go off of this medicine. Even though it provided me such relief, or so I thought. It was secretly pushing my craving buttons and making me trigger food happy, and here I am with too much extra weight, it should not be allowed on this body o mine. I worked too hard to let this happen without a fight!!
So fighting is exactly what I am doing! I haven't noticed moodiness so far, which is a good thing since I work around a bunch of people and with people! I have had terrible sweating and loss of (guess what) sleep! I don't like those 2 side effects, but as I mentioned above, I don't do much in "baby steps" I am an "all or nothing" kind of girl. So yep, you guessed it, I stopped this medicine cold turkey. I know, I know you are never supposed to do that, but I HAD to. For Kazi. I read all about the precautions about stopping it cold turkey but I still had to follow my heart on this, and in just 4 days (as I weigh on Saturdays), I have lost 2 lbs. I know that doesnt seem like a lot to you, but to me, it is such a triumph that I just might get my life and figure back, and for the first time in a long time I have HOPE.
I feel so ashamed that I have gained this weight back, and I realize the 2nd year after bariatric is when most people start gaining weight, but I don't want to be a statistic, I want to me the exception!! I am well on my way/weigh.
Thanks for listening and being in my corner not only in life, friendship, love, the path of life, this blog, my weightloss journey, the ups, the downs, the cravings, the everything!! I am one blessed Kazi and I know it!!
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