The Calm Before the Storm

When I got the call from &&&&& that I got the job in customer service, finally after being unemployed for almost a year, I was happy.  Scared, but happy.  Finally returning to work, being social again, learning new things, meeting new people, having a real paycheck again. 

Our training class was 9 weeks long.  At first, 9 weeks sounded so overwhelming to me.  I kept thinking what all could we possibly need to learn in 9 weeks.   Well, it just so happens, I can tell you, we learned lots. 

Nothing, no amount of training, ever prepares you for your first day on the phones by yourself, "out of the nest" and flat out fending for yourself.  I like some aspects of this job a lot and in time I may like more, but I am unsure what the procedures or protocol is for some things and at times I don't know who to ask these questions.  I have never worked in quite an environment such as this. 

Monday, our first day "flying solo" was ok, I thought.  We were crazy busy, but it made the day go by quicker, and I didn't have too many out of the ordinary situations.  Enter today, Tuesday, and it seems I had the "problem hotline."  Maybe, it was me that was the problem, I am not sure yet.  All I know is today, I truly felt like I was drowning and it was not a good feeling at all.   I almost had a breakdown, and we all know, that is not a good thing to have, especially at work. 

Here is the thing, I know now how spoiled I have been the last 8 years of my working career.  Spoiled in knowing who to turn to if I had a question, someone was always there ready to answer any question I had, and believe me I had many.  I always had access to my admin aka team lead, now I feel so lost. 

I am used to being part of a team.  When new people used to come in our department, I trained some of them, and the supervisors always walked the new people around the entire department introducing them to everyone.  Where I am now, I know only a couple of people, which is sad, I am on a team of many and only know like 2-3 people's names.  Weird isn't how I would describe this.  I don't think I am expecting to much, I really don't.  

I am well aware that every company does things completely different, and that is what makes the world go around.   I get that.  I don't need a babysitter.  But clear direction would be nice and very much appreciated. 

Overwhelmed right now is an understatement.  It seems that I am "over achieving" going back to check my work.  Wow, is just all that comes to mind right now.  Usually my posts are uplifting and perky but right now I am not feeling either of those feelings.  Hope it gets better soon. 

Thanks for dropping by to see what was on Kazi's mind today.  Have a good evening my friends and happy Olympics watching to you!

Things I love.....

I love dolphins swimming in the ocean
I love strawberry margaritas, the magic potion
I love Pinterest, looking at quotes, crafts, and food
I love things that make me feel good
I love listening to music , singing along
Especially when I hear a catchy song
I love swimming in the sun
I love to have fun
I love ice cream in a cone
I love my Iphone
I love my cats
Pepper, Miss Kitty and Teddy
I love going to bed, I am always ready
I love my daughter, Brittanee Ann
She loves trying to get a tan
I love my family and friends
They bring good times that never ends
I love the suns and the moons
I love forks, knives and spoons
I love watching movies, especially Dirty Dancing
Dreaming of Patrick Swayze back in the day, all that romancin'
I love drinking Fraps from Starbucks, it is true
I need to cut back on them, I really do
I love sunsets, beaches, and sand between my toes
I would love to see the Chippendales in Vegas someday, God only knows
I love the color of red, the true color of passion
I love clothes, but I am not big on fashion
I love purses, I have been known as a purse whore
Is that enough, or do you want to hear more?
Ok, I love tortellini, cheese, casseroles and cheeseballs
I am not much into shopping or going to the malls
I love Crocs, unsightly they may be
But, I am really a big fan, I will show you my collection, come and see
I also love shoes
That is probably yesterday's news
I love games, Canasta, Dice Buddies and now, Song Pop
OMG, I so love it, I just can't stop
I love perfume, candles, and such
But I don't buy those things too much
I love Facebook and read it everyday
Sometimes I comment, sometimes I have nothing to say
I love concerts and dancing in the aisles
I wish I could run, sometimes for miles
I love to write and maybe one day I will get serious
Until then, I will just settle for delirious
May you see rainbows, chimpanzees, and ice cream
Wake me up gently, this may have all been just a dream!

Naps

There is nothing more cozy than taking a nap in the middle of the day.  When you go to "stretch out" on your bed, with the intention of resting, and you fall into a deep peaceful sleep.  Upon waking up in 2 or so hours feeling refreshed you can't believe you fell asleep in the first place, as you didn't mean to take a nap. 

I am well aware that experts say you shouldn't take naps during the day.  I do not agree.  It tends to make me feel more human.  In fact I think I will go take a nap right now.  See ya next time!  Zzzzzzzzzzzzz.

This blog is one week old and still going strong!

I am still pondering my newest Bucket List and editing it time and again.  One thing that has been on my bucket list for quite some time now, is writing a blog again.  Today it has been one week and through all the craziness my life entailed last week, I managed to post each and every day!  Which I plan on doing each and every day for one full year, first challenge on my bucket list.

Wayne challenged me to a short story, though, while my mom was reading it, she claimed it was none too short!  That I came up with at that sitting, so it is not something I tweaked, I feel accomplished having done that.  I have had some feedback that the ending was "predictable."  Yes, it was.  You have to understand that, while I enjoy writing and if I could that would be my profession, there is a lot I still must learn if I am going to be serious and try to write a book, per se.  I didn't have time to ponder different scenarios, I wrote that short story an hour before work one morning when I woke up earlier than I usually do.  I will work on writing things with a twist.  I am up for the challenge, but overall, for the first "short story" I thought it wasn't bad.

To me writing is my release, it takes me to places that I would like to exist in real life, an escape at times.  I have always had a passion for writing, never really did much with it, until now.  Now I am on a mission.  If I can keep this blog up and running every day for one full year, just think of the possiblities. 

Poetry has always been my forte, and I am one of those people where my poems have to rhyme, if they don't (haiku style) they just don't make sense to me!  So, I am going to end this with a little poem written by Kazi (me) and hope everyone has a tremdous day and weekend!

Poem inspired by my new job

I sit at my desk, waiting for that next call
Instead of paying their utility bill, they are calling you from the Mall
I can't pay my high bill they yell and curse
While handing the cashier a credit card from their purse
Next call comes in, man says his power is off, and he needs us there right now
I swear, if he doesn't calm down he just might have a cow
Next customer wants to pay their bill by phone
And all they do is gripe and moan
About how hard it is to talk to a live body
While you hear them quietly sipping their hot toddy
Though the phone continues to ring
You never know what situation that next call may bring
That is the part I like, something different on the other end
Perhaps some old lady needing to talk, just a friend
Customer service is not for everyone, I have some examples I could share
With Bank of America, it's obvious, they just don't care
I never want to be that kind of rep
Hanging up on people, giving a different answer with each call, how hard is it to be nice and to take that step
To help out your caller
Whether they are yelling at you or are a bawler
Circumstances come up for each and every one of us
Does that mean we can't give them that little relief they seem to need, and let them cuss
When they call you every name in the book
Just remember YOU are not the issue, and in the end when you have listened and tried to help them, they will begin to soften with the time and patience that you took
All you can do is do your best each and every day
If you have this attitude you will be lead to the right path, the right way
Don't discount our jobs if we work in a call center, we have a lot to learn
We might not work in hard labor,  but our wages we do have to earn
So, next time you have an issue where you have to call in to a customer service place
Remember there is another human being on the other line, with a smile upon their face
Trying their best to resolve your issue, help you make that payment, or set you up on budget bill
Be kind when you call in and I will try to make it a great experience for you, I will....

Peace, love & Psmurfs!  (LOL)

"Let's Keep In Touch"

Sometimes life throws us curves that we dont see coming, some we do see roadblocks along our path and choose a different direction.  Life often pulls us in many directions, and sometimes it isn't always easy to keep in touch with the people that mean the most to you.  You know the saying "Let's stay in touch."  That short little phrase means so much, yet irks me to no end. 

Let's face it boys and girls, friendship takes work, just as any relationship does.  You have to have two willing people to make a friendship work, it is a two way street, not one way.  Some do not seem to understand this.  My philosphy has always been, if you want it bad enough, you will fight for it (whatever IT may be.) 

Scenario One:  Friend A asks Friend B to do something.  Friend B says yes, that sounds fun, we haven't seen each other in awhile let's do something next Saturday.  Friend A makes sure that the plans are made well in advance, that they can get to wherever they are meeting Friend B.  Then Friend B, sends a message "Cant make it on Saturday after all."  Ok first time, understandable, no harm no foul.  Second time, another get together is proposed by Friend A (because if Friend A didn't suggest things or get togethers) they would never get together.  Seems Friends B, C, D ...etc don't know how to plan anything, or simply do not care.  Then 2 hours before the second get together is planned to take place, Friend B cancels again, doesn't matter the reason.  It just sets a pattern.  It seems to be no big deal to Friend B, but Friend A is getting fed up at this point. 

Which friend are you in this scenario?  Ask yourself, in case you are Friend B, when that friendship sours, and you don't keep in touch like you originally planned, will it really matter to you? 

I will be the first to tell you, I am not perfect.  I am a huge people person, people call me the "social butterfly."  I make friends easily, but it does take me awhile to trust people.  In my book, trust is not given it is earned.  You prove to me over and over that you wont go behind my back and tell something I may have told you in confidence, don't try to undermind me, etc--you and I will be just fine.  To me trust is not an easy thing to feel, been through some casualities and I guess that is why I am overly cautious.  It's ok, if you are honest with me, chances are we will not have a problem with this, in time I will be able to trust you and we will become better friends. 

I am a drama free person.  Unfortunately lately I have become inundated with stress trying to work through those issues.  I am easy going until provoked then you better take cover.  Something like the calm before the storm, if you piss me off, you will know it.  If I piss you off, I want to know it.  I am human, I admit to making mistakes, I admit to caring too much, I admit to a lot of things, but if I tell you I am going to meet you somewhere I will be there (usually very early), and IF i have to cancel for any reason you can rest assured, it is for a damn good reason. 

Recently I have withdrawn from some people, not because i don't like them, not because I want out of our friendship, but just to test them to see how much I really mean to them.  How much our friendship means to them?  Am I worth the fight to keep in their life?  Some have proven yes, our friendship means something to them.  This entire blog is not just about getting together, that is part of it, but the BIG picture is, in an effort to keep in touch, as I stated it does take two people.  It doesn't always have to be a meeting, get together.  It could be a quick email just to say, hey been thinking about you, how are you doing?  A short text telling someone to have a good day and that you value them and their friendship. 

Believe it or not, since I don't work with some of my dear friends anymore from in my past or recently, I have heard things like "you have made new friends and have forgotten all about me."  So not true, but if I am the only one making the effort, well, I am not holding out much stock in your words "let's keep in touch."  I have made new friends, that is a true statement, and I am thankful God has blessed me with some new people in my life, but to me, it doesn't matter if I have known you 2 weeks or 2 years, if you are not willing to make the effort to keep in touch, then why should I? 

Bad Habits

Bad habits.  Where to start?  Everyone has them, not everyone has the same bad habits.  I will tell you that I used to be a nail biter, not so much anymore.  I even let my nails grow at times and get manicures.  I am not into the colors and fancy artwork, however, I think a french manicure or pedicure done well, looks sharp.  It's clean and it looks good I think.  It's my favorite, anyway.  :)

Here is the hard part, something I have been doing for years, never realized it had a name or means something is wrong with me.  I pick the skin around my nails a lot, sometimes to the point where they bleed.  I have been reading up on this "condition" and it says people often do this because they like the way it feels when they hurt themselves.  Now hold on a hot minute, I am not into pain, most of you know this about me.  In fact, when I am in any kind of pain, I could easily turn into a big baby.  So, I don't agree with this.  Personally, I find I do this when I am either bored or anxious about something. 

It looks gross!  My friend Becky, when she first saw it, loose skin hanging from all of my fingers literally she described me as a "cutter."  That is way overstated.  I would never harm myself in the manner real "cutters" do, but now since I know this has a name and different meanings, it really makes me want to quit doing it.  How do I break a habit that I have done for years?  I looked at several websites and of course, they want to sell me a book. No thank you.  When I was trying to quit biting my nails I tried putting that nasty tasting stuff you put on them to deter you from biting them, as you would figure, that didn't work for me, I bit them anyway.  So putting something nasty tasting wont work.  I don't want to go to the doctor to get meds for something like this, surely there has to be a way to stop. 

I had never publicly discussed this before.  Never knew there were other people like me.  Until....I found out, quite by accident once, that a girl I used to work with does the same thing!  And a good friend of mine's husband does the same thing!  So, I am not alone in this disgusting habit, doesn't make it right, I am just stating facts.  What this is called is Dermatillomania is usually from stress, anxiety or upset and can be a way of releasing tension though the urge to pick is overwhelming.  OMG, it has a name!!  I am going to try to work on doing this less at first, then hopefully not at all.  Wanted to get this out in a public forum, to let people know, if they are closet skin pickers, maybe it will help someone else!  You are not alone!

Recently, it was brought to my attention that I talk with my hands.  Funny thing is, I never realized that.  I will make a mental note to control that. 

I am quite sure I have other bad habits, but that is all I can think of right now, as I am really in shock still about the above mentioned condition.  If anyone knows of a legit way to get rid of this unsightly habit that I have formed, please share with me. 

My Brain Is Not What It Used To Be

While I was unemployed, many times I pondered going back to school.  What I really wanted to go into was Cosmetology, but the Unemployment office had given me a list of the top 50 career avenues to choose from, they would help with the top 5 choices, and not one of them interested me.  No, I mean, really.  The top 5 were like Nurse (I don't like the sight of blood), Computer Programmer (boring), Insurance Sales Agent (not a quota person or sales person),  Biologist (yea right), and I think Teacher (not putting up with someone else's unruly brats). 

I started looking into Ivy Tech, even toured it.  I had graduated from there in May 1995, and let me tell you, that building has changed so much and is just beautiful inside.  I could easily get lost in there!  I thought about Business Administration and also Culinary School.  Two different paths , right?  I also toured the Nursing section to make my case manager at Unemployment office happy, if only for a minute.  Not for me.  No way, no how.  I looked into USI, too far a drive for me, too big, and the the main reason, I never made it back into school is I just didn't think this old brain had it in it to "get" through school at my age.  Now before you bombard me and tell me about a 60 year old that was in your college class last semester or several semesters ago, ok, good for them!  In fact, my hat is off to them, but I know how my brain is and I didn't think it could withstand research papers, speeches, homework, math, etc at my age.  This is just me.

Here is my confession, some of you already know this, but I don't know a THING about Algebra.  I tried to take it before, as I never had it in high school, and it just doesn't make a bit of sense to me.  I even had a tutor (embarassing for me to admit), but that didn't work either.  I know Algebra is required in most degrees, if I can't understand it, and in real life will probably never need it, what is the point?  I am not saying that I am stupid by any means, but Algebra and I were never friends and can never be friends.  Who on earth thought about adding the alphabet to Math?  I just don't freakin get it!  This is one major roadblock for me why I didn't return to college!  I admit it freely, got it off my chest. 

Now I find myself working at Vectren, which at first I was very apprehensive.  Always is a little intimidating going into a strange place for the first time and not knowing a single soul.  I was used to working at American General aka Springleaf for 8 years, when you spend 8 years with people they become very important to you, like family.  I know in time, the Vectren folks will feel like family (hopefully).  I am glad that I ventured out of my comfort zone and chose to go somewhere where I can make a name for myself and no one knows me.  I can prove to them why they hired me, the way I see it they have just invested 9 weeks on me in training me to do a job, and I have made that investment with them to put me to work and try to do the best job I can possibly do for them and hopefully move up within the company. 

With all of this being said, I was more than a bit nervous when I found out how rigorous and extensive this 9 week training class was going to be.  The doubts, at times, reared their ugly heads, and kept asking "can you do this?"  I gave into some of those doubts at times, its called lack of self confidence.  I have always had issues with that.  Trying to work on them.  Not that I think someone is better than me, I just think it takes me longer to "get" some things, and I don't know why.  It frustrates me to no end.  I am my biggest critic.

As Becky says, it is a Capricorn thing.  When I walk into a new situation, I think I should know everything after the first week.  And when I don't know it that quickly, I tend to beat myself up over it.  Where most people, know they shouldn't know everything that soon, different personalities I guess. 

I am more of a hands on learner, you can read me slides all day long and explain things to me in a classroom setting, but until I get my hands on the actual keyboard, nothing makes sense to me.  Ok, well, almost nothing.  AND I am a paper person, I believe in having those quick references at my desk, instead of having to look them up on the computer while my customer is on the phone, I am old school that way, and it helps me learn procedures faster.  In time, I won't need that piece of paper that was once my Bible on how to do something, but in the beginning if I have that, I can be so much more efficient, I promise. 

While there are some things I don't agree with at Vectren (supplies), overall, I think it is a good company to work for.  As far as I see it, as long as you do your job and do it well, job security.  I have been laid off 3 times now in my career, and I would prefer not to have to go through that again if I can help it.  So, I have almost made it to the end of our 9 week training session, and although I don't know everything there is to know about my job, I am confident in time, it will become second nature to me.  I did it!  And I am proud! 

Friends First (A short story)

It had been awhile since Carla had dated and a friend of hers from church, Melissa, had mentioned to Carla about a pen pal club, entitled Friends First.  Melissa had suggested Carla try this avenue and see where it led.  With the times of computers, smart phones and such, this was an old fashioned snail mail kind of connection.  Carla gave some thought to it and then put it out of her mind. 

The next couple of days, Carla went about her normal routine.  Getting up at the crack of dawn to go jogging, coming home to a hot shower, a cup of coffee and her cat Bear.  It was the weekend and she had the weekend off, due to a rotating schedule at the hospital, where she worked as an Xray Technician.  Carla has planned to do some grocery shopping, get a few things for her apartment, get take out Chinese and watch old movies over the weekend.  Nothing fancy, just a nice relaxing weekend. 

Although Carla loved her job at the hospital, her shifts would leave her tired a lot of the time, and she would have really liked to unwind with her friends, from time to time.  Speaking of her friends, she had lots of acquaintances, but as far as friends she could truly count on, sadly to say, she could count them all on one hand. 

Upon graduation from college with her friends choosing different career paths, it was sometimes difficult for them to get together, due to their much unique work schedules.   Melissa, of course, was her bestest best friend, and they still managed to spend a lot of time together.  Carla was still in touch with a few other friends, Danielle and Sarah.  Sometimes the four of them would don their best attire for a night on the town, or a simple dinner and a movie. 

Carla loved her time with her friends, but she knew something was missing in her life.  She had previously been in a long relationship with Scott, whom she thought she would end up spending the rest of her life with, until she caught him cheating on her with one of her ex friends.  What a disappointment that had been.  A major setback in her life.  At first she shut down completely, not letting anyone in, not even Melissa.  She took this as a personal matter, Scott had cheated because of something that was missing in their relationship.  After all, they had been together 4 years, so she was sure it was her, that something was wrong with her.  She volunteered to work lots of overtime, and when she wasn't working she was sleeping.  A lot. 

Finally she decided she was much too young to spend her life in such a manner, she decided she needed to see a therapist of some kind, her decision.  She didn't tell anyone, but people started noticing the old Carla was emerging.  And a more confident Carla.  She never told anyone about her therapy appointments, because although she WAS becoming more confident, she still had issues to work out, and admitting that she needed help of any kind would  feel like she failed at something again.  She never wanted to feel like that again.  Carla knew that life was full of ups and downs and that she had to forget Scot and move on.  It was time.  After 3 months, she finally knew it was over and not worth pursuing no matter what happened with Scot and whats her name. 

Carla, was in her apartment, playing with her cat Bear and listening to her radio, when the doorbell rang.  She jumped up to answer it, and Melissa was there with a folder she handed to Carla.  "What's this?"  Carla eyed the folder suspiciously.  Melissa said, "I think it is time now that you look at this brochure."  Carla opened up the folder with apprehension and saw the photo on the front of this brochure of a man and a woman talking over a glass of wine and sure enough on the headline it read Friends First.  Carla sighed, she put it on the coffee table in the living room, and the two girls started talking about work, life in general and planning their next girls weekend. 

Long after Melissa had left, Carla decided to read the Friends First brochure.  It was a free pen pal service, so she decided to write to the address on the brochure for a list of names of young men she could write to.  Upon her way to work one morning, she dropped the inquiry in the mail and didn't really think much about it, until the following week when she received a large manilla envelope in the mail.  She opened it up to find a list of about 20 names of men she could write to.  How to choose just one?  After a few moments of reading the names, and very little description of each one, she decided to write 5 different guys.  She wasn't given actual addresses to these men's homes, it was more like a number system.  In essence they would communicate via a handwritten letter through this Friends First establishment. 

Carla was new to this, never writing much snail mail in her life.  She decided to give a brief description of herself, she didn't really know what to put in an "introduction" letter.  She decided she would probably never meet any of these men anyway.  She started with "My name is Carla, I am 27 years old, I work as an Xray Technician in a local hospital.  I enjoy travelling, reading, jogging, shopping, antiques, music, etc."  That sounded boring to her each time she re read what she had written, but like she thought what does it matter, I will probably not meet a single guy.  She sent all 5 guys the same letter, seemed like a chain letter, but she mailed them off on her way to jog anyway. 

Exactly one week to the day she dropped those 5 letters in the mail, she received 2 replies.  She then felt like a kid in the candy store, anticipating what those letters held.  She received one letter from a military guy, who seemed like a very nice person, he even enclosed a picture of himself.  She knew from all the movies on Lifetime, that you never trust a picture.  It could be of someone else, or it could be a very old picture, but whoever it was, was nice looking.  His name was Larry and he had the widest grin and deep blue green eyes.  His letter was very nice and the charm oozed out of this very letter she now held.  She placed it to the side and opened the 2nd letter, which was so boring it almost put her to sleep.  The 2nd guy worked in a factory and drove a bulldozer and couldn't spell worth anything.  Maybe more contact with Mr Military Man, but no to factory worker.  Not that she was judging a profession that anyone chose, or had, but spelling was a big deal to her.  She wanted to at least be on the same level as far as conversations went, not too much to ask she didn't think. 

It took a few days til she responded to Mr Military Man and soon they had been writing back and forth for a few weeks.  She had gotten some other replies to her other letters she had sent, but she was not as intrigued by anyone as she was by Mr Military Man.  Something in the way he spoke on written pages, how he described things to her in great detail, how he asked her more about herself, how he spoke highly of his family, etc, Carla knew she had to meet him.  Of course, Melissa knew all about this, how many letters Carla had sent out, how many responses she had gotten, and how her friend eagerly checked her mail almost every day now, anticipating another letter from Mr Military Man. 

One Sunday afternoon, she received a phone call from a number she didn't recognize, she chose to answer the call anyway.  It turned out to be Larry aka Mr Military Man!  She had forgotten she had included her phone number in a previous letter to him.  It was nice to hear his voice on the other end of the line!  She felt like a giddy school girl.  Although she was talking to a complete stranger, they ended up talking for 3 hours!  Never at a loss for conversation, he asked her if he could call her again the following weekend.  For the next 3 months, they communicated by snail mail and phone calls.  Mr Military Man was getting leave soon and he wanted to meet Carla in person, asked her if she would have the weekend off on the time he could fly to meet her.  She told him she would make it happen. 

Melissa accompanied Carla to the airport to pick Mr Military Man up, so they would keep it safe, in case something was awry with this wonderful man who seemed too much to be true.  Their meeting for the very first time was not awkward at all, Carla was so nervous on how this could have went, first impressions and all.  Mr Military Man, it seemed, was exactly how he portrayed himself in their letters and on the phone. And the picture he had originally sent, was actually him, only he looked so much cuter in person!  Larry took Carla AND Melissa out to dinner, and then Melissa dropped Larry and Carla back at Carla's apartment, giving her friend the thumbs up sign.  It had been arranged that Larry stay at a hotel 2 blocks away, but when they talked through the night, Carla decided to let him crash on her couch.  She liked his wide grin even more in person, and his easy going manner, she wanted to pinch herself still...felt too good to be true.  He seemed to really like her as well.  He stayed for 3 days and it felt to her like a dream, it had been the best 3 days of her entire life.  When he left the emotions were high for both of them! 

The letters, cards, phone calls and flowers were now a constant in their lives.  Mr Military Man had decided not to enlist again because he wanted to get out of the service and start a new life and eventually start a family.  Carla was thrilled that he chose to move to her city, but not in with her, as believe it or not, he was a little old fashioned.  He wanted to date on more normal terms since he was there with her in the same city and they no longer had to rely on snail mail. 

One magical night, about a year after Mr Military Man left the military, when they were out on the town with friends, she ran into her ex Scot, who had yet another girl on his arm.  He made small talk with Carla, and asked who her friend was.  Larry smiled and said "I am her future husband, if she agrees to marry me."  Carla beamed up at Larry and knew that she had made the best decision of her life, when she had listened to her best friend Melissa and decided to take a chance on Friends First. 

A Special Thank You

I would actually like to thank 2 people, here, publicly, on my new blog.  One, is Amy Kirk Grayson, a very nice young lady that I used to work with at Springleaf.  We were cubicle neighbors for some time and we became instant friends.  We each have a passion for writing poetry and blogs.  She asked me several months ago if I ever thought about writing a blog, said she thought that was something I really needed to do.  Told her I had tried my hand at it before and couldn't access my former blog.  She suggested I start a new one, and finally, here it is.  She also has a blog, which I will have to find again and subscribe to.  Thank you for suggesting this again to me, for backing me (always), and for your friendship! 

The other thank you, goes to, Robert Wayne Bee!  A classmate of mine from high school, who I must admit I never spoke to once while we were in school together.  He is a self published writer, still living in Evansville, has the neatest blog EVER right now, and has encouraged me and my writing for as long as I can remember.  I have much fear about writing, as I will be the first to tell you I really know nothing about proper punctuation (guess I slept through Mrs. Spooner's English Class.)  But I have so much passion for writing, in fact, when anyone ever asks me what my "dream" job is, I always blurt out writer.  Maybe one day. Wayne, as most of his friends call him, has been such an inspiration to me.  He has even given me some assignments to kick start my writing process when I get serious about making this happen.  Though, I have yet to do them, I am, for the first time in a long time, pondering doing just that. 
Wayne, even has a fan club for his writing, called the Wayniacs, and I am a proud member! A HUGE fan.  If you ever want to see what I am talking about, let me know and I will send you to his page.  It is amazing the talent this young man has, trust me. 

So, thank you again for the encouraging words of my fellow writers and more than that, my true friends!  Keep on writing and creating! 

Here's my confession and diagnosis...

As many of you know, I haven't been writing much lately, and I haven't started my day on Facebook with fun little sayings from other people or originals from yours truly.  Just haven't felt like it.  What started out to be a good 2012 in many facets of my life, a few things have set me reeling. 
*Being unemployed for almost 11 months....and how that made me feel
*Landing a job and having extensive training
*Meeting new people at my new work environment
*As I mentioned in an earlier post, not having the socialization I used to.  We used to go out to dinner once a month, a large group of friends.  That won't happen anymore, for me, anyway, I've cut ties with some of them and am not looking back.  No need for that. 

With those few examples, to let you have a small peek into why I have been feeling the way I have for the last 2 months.  Then enter the BIG picture.  I have been pondering and pondering why I have felt so depressed and NOTHING came to mind...until a few days ago, and then it HIT me hard.  I always listened as other people spoke of this, and thought (like I am sure a lot of other people do too) that this would never happen to me. 

Well, friends, guess what I am suffering from something called E.N.S.  What is that?  It is called Empty Nest Syndrome.  Now, let me explain.  I know Brittanee was away in college for 4 years, 2 1/2 hours away, but she always came home in the summer time and we always went to either Burdette or Holiday World every weekend.  With her internship and getting ready to enter the real world, she has only been home one weekend.  Which I understand, and it sucks out loud, that the only car we have right now may not make to Indy, so I haven't been able to go and visit since she has moved there. :(  I miss our summmer time together!  There I said it!  I had been thinking about this for some time but when she came in last weekend, we went to Burdette and Westsiders, it hit me when she and my grandcat left, this is why I have been feeling this way.

I have been asking different folks to go with me to the pool and Holiday World and no one has the love of the sun and water as I do, this is why I have been asking.  This is why I may have sounded overly needy to some of you.  No one ever wants to go. 

Here's the thing most of you know, I am pretty easy going, laid back, kind of person, I don't ask for much.  We don't always need to go to dinner, we don't always need to see a movie, we don't always have to do anything that costs money, just hang out sometimes.  Nothing fancy.  I need this from time to time!  *Take note I am asking for something!!

Now that I have realized what this is, I am dealing with it and moving on.  I am still missing our summer together, but am not going to let that hold me back any longer.  I love my time in the water and sun, it really is my "happy place" and yesterday I got 4 hours of complete happy.  Brittanee will be coming home this weekend for 3 weeks and we will make use of that time wisely, trust me. 

Thanks for your understanding, patience, and encouraging texts and emails during this time!  I know some of you have been worried about me because I haven't been my happy self, well, brace yourself because this is all about to change!  Now when I smile, I can actually mean it! 

Laughing out loud

Laughter is a very important part of my life.  I like to be with people that can make me laugh out loud, if you will, and someone that I can make laugh.  To me a great sense of humor is a must!!  Whether you are my friend, significant other, someone that got stuck sitting by me for any length of time, etc.  It is not necessary for us to have the same kinds of senses of humor.  Take Zeb, for example, his is very dry at times.  But I understand it, and love that about him.  When you first meet him you don't know how to take his humor, but then you get it and just go with the flow. 

I have been told a time or two, I have a bizarre sense of humor.  It is true.  I laugh sometimes at times I shouldn't, or sometimes it may be inappropriate to laugh--can't help it, just bursts out at times!  (I don't laugh at funerals, or those inappropriate kinds of things.)  Every now and then another human being comes along and "gets" my sense of humor and in rare instances, they share my "bizarre" sense of humor. 

The people that go through day to day life and hardly ever laugh, or smile, I don't understand them.  Sure there are circumstances in their lives, mine too, but you gotta take time and find a way to laugh.  Don't take life too serious, sometimes it is also necessary to laugh at yourself.  I do this all the time. 

Not to tell my age, most of you know already, but there are times at Walmart I come out and forget where I park, which door I came in, etc.  Then I am shaking my head, laughing at myself!  In 100 degree weather I may not be laughing so much at myself, but after the fact I do, guarantee it! 

All of my friends, do not share the same sense of humor as I do, but at least they have some form of humor, or they wouldn't be my friends.  Does that sound harsh to you?  It isn't meant to be, just wanted to let you know the importance of laughter and having a sense of humor is to me.  

You don't have to laugh at everything I say, or everything I think is funny.  I could be sitting somewhere crying I laughed so hard and some  people will just not see what I saw in the situation.  That is their loss, not mine.  I say laugh as much as you can during your day, it can sometimes get you through some rough times.  A friend is always a good thing to help you get through rough times as well. 

If you learn something new about me today, it is that, because I love to write, I absolutely, positively LOVE quotes and you will see them from time to time in my blogs.  Here are a few on laughter, enjoy and put a little laughter in your day!! 

I am thankful for laughter, except when milk comes out of my nose. ~Woody Allen

Sometimes I laugh so hard the tears run down my leg. ~Author Unknown

Laughter is the shortest distance between two people. ~Victor Borge

You can't deny laughter; when it comes, it plops down in your favorite chair and stays as long as it wants. ~Stephen King, Hearts in Atlantis

It was not a laugh but merely a loud smile. ~Author Unknown

A laugh is a smile that bursts. ~Mary H. Waldrip

Stress and the Average Bear

Stress has seemed to find me around every corner lately.  I won't bore you with the details, but I am not who I was say 3 months ago.  That has good and bad with it.  I want to feel my happy go lucky self again. 

When I was unemployed for almost a year, I was content on how things were.  I managed to pay my bills on time, took care of doctor's appointments for me and my mom, was able to go to Brittanee's graduation, vacation, etc.  Lots of things I wanted to do, I was able to do.  Without having to ask off from work, because at the time I wasn't working.

Our last few months of Springleaf, when we were "harvesting" we all couldn't wait to go on unemployment, we hated what we were doing at the time.  Upon being on unemployment, maybe the first two months were ok, after that I felt like I was a bum.  I looked for work, I tried to network with people I knew, I sent hundreds of resumes, and still nothing.  I began to hate being on unemployment. 

Being on unemployment took me out of the socialization part of my life, which I never knew how much I missed, until towards the end of my unemployment. 

Being back to work now, and making new friends has been a good thing for me.  I think I am having trouble "fitting" in after all this time.  I have made some friends and have had many a good laugh.  The group of people that I now work with are class act, but I miss the Springleaf people a lot, we were together 8 years.  Still talk to a few, but still miss a lot!  We were like family.  Who knows in time, I may feel like that at Vectren. 

Our 9 week training has been intense and I have learned so much!  Still have a lot to learn but I feel already I have come a long way.  With this job comes stress too!  I am trying to overcome all of this and not let it define me.  I am stronger than that!!